For me...

11:21PM

its been a long few weeks since i last wrote in this journal. its always relationship stuff i put in here. but this time its good stuff. :)

we've been talking alot more lately. even if its only online, thats okay with me sometimes as long as we're talking. because sometimes we're both busy and its easy to talk online and do other stuff at the same time. its harder to focuz on a conversation outloud on the phone and do other stuff too. so thats okay. especially with finals so close.  because theres always stuff i can get done nowadays. crazy classes, homework, keeping up on studying...finals..i'm going to die in chem. but anyway

so tim and i've been talking more and more, and its been good. i love him so much. i dont know if he knows how much.  but i got an email from him today that me want to write down stuff from our relationship somewhere so that i'll have a record of it once my memory hates me too much to remember anymore.  most of the most memberable stuff i'm willing to share:

he asked me out--july 12, 2002

first date-went to see lilo& stitch..july 20 2002

second date-went to see the austin powers moviethat was out...and i'm pretty sure we didnt see any of it....

third date--the infamous swim meet night were kristy and i were SURE we were going to get caught b/c we both lied to our parents to be w/boys--me to go out to mcdonalds and drive around and make out behind the old high school, and her to sleep over up at wnec....what a weekend....we were so SURE we'd be busted.i dont think we believed we pulled it off until monday when we made it to school

first valentines day (2003)--went to dinner and to see Chicago

sometime xmas break 2003- went to see Love Actually. great movie. also went to tgi fridays after. fell in love all over again..... was such a wonderful wonderful night.

valentines 2004-- he came to visit me!!!! for the whole weekend!!!!

various othermoments.....but those are little and collective and wonderful all together. because i have a wonderful wonderful boyfriend. no matter what he thinks. and he makes me feel so wonderful. beautiful, happy, ...soo...soo many emotions there arent enough words to describe them properly.......

11:30AM - so somewhere i left off last night...

argh. figures..when i finally have a chance to figure out what i feel tim calls and messes up my mind again....

10:45PM - upset, sick, frustrated, and lonely

i don't know what's up with me. the last few days all i've wanted to do is cry. and cry. and cry. and cry some more. school is evil. partially, well mostly, because of organic chem. and the fact that i got sick the second day of classes and its just gotten worse. and now i've got bronchitis. but meds are helping. so yeah...we'll see. but thats not my biggest problem. i'm just...the problem..well quite frankly i'm feeling sad and alone and unhappy. why? because i havent talked to tim hardly at all since he started school. not that i expected to since he's just moved in and classes and al that getting used to college stuff, but still. idk.....but i guess i'll have to finish this converstation in my head tomorrow because i gota take my cough med and that makes me sleep....and class at 8. then stuff igota do. but i'll make mroe sense tomorrow i'm sure. all well. we
'll see. although his email sun night that i just got today and the ecard i got....but...idk...i'm just feeling very low right now and noone seems to understand. granted, noone really knows. but michele, as always, is doing a great job of helping. oh, and something else to keep me worrying is alex in fl cuz her parents wouldnt leave before the hurricane. all well. cough med and sleep time

12:02AM - home in about 20ish hours??

this may be my last entry for awhile. i'm off to bed, to wake up at 830, pack the last of my crap, and then take my bio final 10-12. here's hopin i do REALLY well on that. then its time to go HOME!!!!! i can't wait. this year has been great in some ways and horrible in others. but now that doesn't matter because its over. i've enjoyed my time here at albright and the new friends i've made, but i'm ready for summer. i'm sick of school work and so summer soundsgreat. i miss my boy and i can't wait to see him. i miss a bunch of others too, and i can't wait to see them. i know after a few weeks i'll wana come back here, to get away from my parents and to see those i've left for the summer. but it willl be great. in less than 24 hours, SUMMER 2004 BEGINS!!!!! hurray!

9:12PM

for the kate when she reads my lj again--thanks dear. you're awesome. :)

12:50AM - ....

rereading, or at least thinking about that last entry now makes me mad at myself. cuz i shouldn't've been upset. argh. whatever. but i just watched "pretty woman" with julie. that was fun. i'd never seen it before and it was great. i love happy endings. and i'm a sucker for romatic, sappy movies. the downside to it is now i want to talk to my boy even more. all well. seeing as how its almost 1am and i'd like to be up for a decent hour to make brunch in the morning and i've been fucking tired all day...and even took a little nap...perhaps now i'll head off to bed. maybe i'll sleep better than last night....

10:40PM - grrrrrishness

this fucking sucks. sitting here in tears all because my boy had to go to bed. why do i do this to myself? why do i get my hopes up like this? prly because ALL day i've been supposed to talk to him. and did he ever call back? not until 9ish and then my fucking phone is fucking messed up. and i'm bored and lonely and i wanted to talkt o him because i havent talked to him for more than ten minutes at a time since i've been back here. this isn't cool. all well. time to watch another movie with julie..we've been watching movies ALLLL day!!!!!! i'm sad, but i can't tell tim that i so desperately need/want to talk to him that as soon as he says he has to go to sleep the tears come..i jsut can't. because its not fair to him...because i've had shit to do just as often when we've been gona talk. but he said he was going to talk this afternoon...and called twice only to leave twice, and i called again, and he said he'd call back in a few minutes..and it was fucking 5 hours later! not that i'm sure its his fault, cuz i'm sure its just that his parents asked him to do stuff and such, but STILL! it irritated me and made me sad. and then we finally get to talk, and i get that he has to go to sleep. HE COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT AN HOUR AGO WHEN HE CALLED!!!! then i would've stoped the movie and come back to it AFTER talking to him. but NOOOOO i dont get that. whatever. i'm just pissed off and sad and shit. i havent missed him this much all fucking year. but i've never gone this long without actually really talking to him either. i'm craving a long conversation that i know will be uniturrepted. but tonight was the last night for that because its prly the last night christie will sleep over matt's. whatever....i'm gona go watch pretty woman with julie and enjoy the movie b/c i've never seen it. so unhappy....

1:05AM - 8 more days...

ok, so i've spent about 2 hours typing in song lyrics. why you ask? because i feel loved. because i FINALLY got to talk to my boy for more than 5 minutes in a day. granted, it wasnt much more than that, but it was enough to but me in a good mood. especialy because he said he'd stay up later to do his work so he could talk to me first. granted, i didn't let him, i made him do work....but idk. and there was that extra something in his voice when he said "i love you" that just made me melt extra much. so i feel loved and wonderful. and i've been in a singing mood...so enjoy the songs...pardon the spelling/etc mishaps b/c i typed while listening to them. and enjoy my comments after them. they're really random songs, from various places and stuff. so enjoy.

 

"...with you i can let my hair down i can say anything crazy and know you'll catch me right befrore i hit the ground. with nothing but a t shirt on i never felt so beautiful, baby as i do now, now that i'm with you, with you...now that i'm with you......everybody else just fades away...sometimes its hard to breathe......when love feels right.....cuz with you i can let my hair down, i can say anything crazy and know you'll catch me right before i hit the ground. with nothing but a t-shirt on i never felt so beautiful baby as i do now, not that i'm with you, with you........come and take me love you save me like nobody else, now i can be myself...with you, i can let my hair down, i can say anything crazy, and know that you'll catch me right before i hit the ground, with nothing but a t-shirt on, i never felt so beautiful baby as i do now, now that I'm with you, i can let my hair down, i can say anything crazy, and know you'll catch me right before i hit the ground. with nothing but a t-shirt on, never felt so beautiful baby as i do now, now that i'm with you." 

            -this one just reminds me of my boy. because i love him so much and because i love how i feel around him--always pretty, no matter how grungy my clothes (and that includes vet clothes!)....and i know i can be me and everything. no matter what. and its a wonderful wonderful feeling....

"why does the color of my coffee match your eyes? why do i see you when a stranger passes by? i swear i hear you in the whisper of the wind. i feel you when the sun is dancin on my skin and when its rainin you won't find me complainin cuz when i think about rain i think about singin. when i think about singing its a heavenly tune, when i think about heaven, then i think about angels, when i think about angels, i think about you...the taste of sugar sure reminds me of your kiss i like the way that they both linger on my lips. kisses remind me of a field of butterfiles must be the way my heart is fluttering inside. beasutiful destraction, you make everythougth a chain reaction. when i think about rain i think about singin. when i think about singing its a heavenly tune, when i think about heaven, then i think about angels, when i think about angels, i think about you...anywhere i go, anything i do, everyting abour me babay makes me think of you.... when i think about rain i think about singin. when i think about singing its a heavenly tune, when i think about heaven, then i think about angels, when i think about angels, i think about you...when i think about rain i think about singin. when i think about singing its a heavenly tune, when i think about heaven, then i think about angels, when i think about angels, i think about you...when i think about rain i think about singin. when i think about singing its a heavenly tune, when i think about heaven, then i think about angels, when i think about angels, i think about YOU"

             -another one that makes me think of tim. cuz everything makes me think of him...and things like that chain reaction-like. its great. it also makes me think of kristy and michele and heather and cassy and some of my other friends who are like my gaurdian angels--always there for me. thanks guys.

"when i think back on these times, and the dreams we left behind, i'll be glad cuz i was blessed to get to have you in my life, when i look back on these days, i'll look and see your face, you were right there for me. in my dreams i'll always see you soar above the sky, in my heart they'll always be a place for you for all my life... i'll keep a part of you with me and everywhere i am there youll be.. and everywhere i am there youll be....well you showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach, and i always will remember all the strength you gave to me.  your love made me make it thru, oh i owe so much to you...you were right there for me.......in my dreams i'll always see you soar above the sky, in my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life, i'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere i am there youll be, cuz i always saw in you  my light, my strength, and i wana thank you now for all the ways you were right there for me..you wre right there for me...for always.....in my dreams i'll always see you soar above the sky, in my haeart they'll always be a place for you for all my life, i'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere i am there you'll be.......and everywhere i am there you'll be.....there you'll be......"

              -two words: senior song. brings images of concert, people, hoffacker, etc, back to mind. and tears to my eyes. it was also jr. prom theme. which leads me to think of senior prom, which leads me to thin of tim again--see what i mean, chain reaction thoughts leding to him!

".....don't know how you do it...like there's nothin to it, you just look my way, come a little closer, i loose my composure, don't know what to say......i melt, and somwhere inside, oh baby, i shiver, tremble, i never, no i never, once felt so much, it shakes me, how you take me, deeper than i've ever been its to the core, under my skin i shiver...i love the way you whisper...in my ear....move a little lower, world start spinin slower, then it disappears, your lips so close, we kiss almost, just barely touch, but thats enough to make me shiver....tremble, i never, no i never, once felt so much it shakes me, how you take me, deeper than i've ever been, its to the core,under my skin i shiver....oohh, shakes me how you take me, deeper than i've ever been its to the core under my skin, i shiver, tremble, i never no i never once felt so much it shakes me, how you take me deeper than i've ever been its to the core under myskin i shiver.....ooohhh shiver......"

         --biggest thing here was that this CD played a lot two days after my first date with tim, as mom and i drove up to NY somewhere...actualy, to visit Wells College. i remember well. b/c i felt like i should tell mom something...but i didnt. and the song just kept making me smile b/c of the warm fuzzy feeling i'd had inside after that date and came back whenever i heard anything....b/c everything made me think of him...but something in this song caught me and kept me entranced on that car ride.....

"....every now and then we find a special friend, who never lets us down...who understands it all, reaches out each time we fall, youre the best friend that i've found...i know you can't stay, but part of you will never ever go away, your heart wil stay...i'll make a wish for you, and hope it will come true, that life would be just be kind, to such a gentle mind, if you loose your way, think back on yesterday, remember me this way.....oooh, remember me this way.......the love you bring to me no matter where i go and i know that you'll be there forever more a part of me, you're everywhere, ooooh i'll always care i'll make a wish for you, and hope it will come true, that life would just be kind to such a gentle mind, if you loose your way, think back on yesterday, remember me this way...remember me this way...and ill be right behind you shoulder, watching you, oooh standing by your side in all you day, and i won't ever leave, as long as you believe, you just believe, i'll make a wish for you, and hope it will come true that life would just be kind to such a gentle mind, if you loose your way, think back on yesterday, remember me this way...remember me this way....remember me this way....."

           -casper song!!! idk, reminds me of so many people who've been there for me, but mostly of kristy because we had this thing about it one day on the phone and i changed my radio and we sang...i don t know why, but ive always remembered that...

"...i do swear that i'll always be there, i'd give anything and everything, and i will always care...thru weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better for worse, i will love you with every beat of my heart.....from this moment, life has begun, from this moment you are the one, right beside you is where i belong, from this moment on....from this moment, i have been blessed, i live only for your happiness and for your love i'd give my last breathe from this moment on. i give my hand to you with all my heart, can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start, you and i will never be apart. my dreams came true because of you. from this moment, as long as i live, i will love you, i promise you this, there is nothing i wouldn't give, from this moment on....ooohh......you're the reason i believe in love....and you're the answer to my prayers from up above....all we need is just the two of us...my dreams came true because of you....from this moment...as ,long as i live i will love you i promise you this, there is nothing i wouldn't give from this moment i will love you, i will love you, as long as i live, from this moment on.....on.....hhmmmmm"

                     ------another boy song..need i say more? i love him and i always will. so of course this song makes me think of him!

"now i've had the time of my life.no i've never felt like this  before yes i swear its the truth and i owe it all to you. cuz i had the time of my life and i owe it all to you.........i've been waiting for so long, now i finnally found someone to stand behind me.............no with passion in our eyes there was no way.......so we take each others hand because we seem to udnertsn.....jsut remember you're the one babe, i can't get enough of, so i'll tell you something...this could be love. because i've had the time of my life no i never felt this way before, yes i swear, its the truth, and i owe it all to you......with my body and my soul.....so we'll just let it go........yes i know whats on your mind when you say stay with me tonight.....you're the one babe, i can't get enough of, so i'll tell you something....this could be love, because i've had the time of my life....no i've never felt this way before, yes i swear its the truth and i owe it all to you cuz i've had the time of my life..and i ..........open door that i found til i found the truth...and i owe it all do you............ now i've had the time of my life, no i've never felt this way before, yes i swear, its the truth and i owe it all to you! i've had the time of my life, no i've never felt this way befoer, yes i swear, its the truth, and i owe it all to you, because i had the time of my life......"

        --so many memories there--all dirty dancing related: movie days at my house heathers, etc, here at schooll....soooo many of you involved......:) :)

"for all those times you stood by me for all the truth that you made me see, for all the joy you brought to my life, for all the wrong that you made right, for every dream you made come true, for all the love i found in you, i'll be forever thankful baby, you're the one who held me up, never let me fall, you're the one who saw me thru thru it all. you were my strength when i was weak, you were my voice when i couldn't speak, you were my eyes when i couldn't see, you saw the best there was in me, lifted me up when i couldn't reach, you gave me faith cuz you believed, i'm everything i am, beacuse you loved me. oooh, yeah....you gave me wings and made me fly, you touched my hand i could touch the sky, i lost my faith you gave it back to me, you said no star was out of reach, you stood by me and i stood tall, i had your love i had it all, i'm grateful each day you gave me, baby i don't know that much, but i know this much is true, i was blessed because i was loved by you, you were my strength when i was weak, you were my voice when i couldn't speak, you were my eyes when i couldn't see, you saw the best there was in me, lifted me up when i couldn't reach, you gave me faith cuz you believed, i'm everything i am, beacuse you loved me. yuou wree always there for me, the tender wind that carried me, light in the dark shining your love into my life, youve been my inspiration, thru the lies you wree the truth, my world is a better place, because of you...you were my strength when i was weak, you were my voice when i couldn't speak, you were my eyes when i couldn't see, you saw the best there was in me, lifted me up when i couldn't reach, you gave me faith cuz you believed, i'm everything i am, beacuse you loved me. yeahh....you were my strength when i was weak, you were my voice when i couldn't speak, you were my eyes when i couldn't see, you saw the best there was in me, lifted me up when i couldn't reach, you gave me faith cuz you believed, i'm everything i am, beacuse you loved me. i'm everything i am....because you loved me...."

         --kristy song. first on the tape she gave me for xmas sophomore (or was it junior?) year. :) and always meaning for us. reminds me of tim to b/c he's been such a good influence on me too...but it was kristy's first, so i think of her more. :)

"...dadada.....i don't need a lota things, i can get by with nothing...but all the blessings life can bring i've always needed something...but i've all i want when it comes to lovin you, you're my only reason, you're my only truth, i need you like water like breath like rain i need you like mercy from heaven's gate, theres a freedom in your arms that carrys me thru, i need you...da..da..da.....ooh.......you're the thought that moves me to courage again, you're the love that rescues me when the cold winds rage, and its so amazing cuz thats just how you are, and i cant turn back now because you've brought me too far...i need you like water like breath like rain i need you like mercy from heaven's gate, theres a freedom in your arms that carrys me thru, i need youooh yes i do...oohh....i need you like water like breath like rain i need you like mercy from heaven's gate, theres a freedom in your arms that carrys me thru, i need you...oooh yes i do....da...da..da...da....i need you.....da..da..da...oohh....oooooohhh......i need you...."

         ----europe song! right heather? idk why we had to sing and sign it every night....i think we were homesick...nah, we never would be. so i don't know, but it was wonderful. and that song will forever remind me of those wonderful days.....and heather. :) and those others whom i need more than anything

"...when you light those candles...up there on that mantle settin the mood...ijsut lie there starin, slightly preparing ot love on you....i can feel the heat from across the room, ain't it wild what a little flame can make you wana do? i melt every time you look at me that way. it never fails anytime, any place, this burn in me is the coolest thing i have ever felt....i melt......dont know how you do it, i love the way i loose it everytime, what's even better, is noin that forever you're all mine......the closer you get, the more my body aches, one little stare from you is all it takes....i melt every time you look at me that way. it never fails anytime, any place, this burn in me is the coolest thing i have ever felt....i melt............i melt every time you look at me that way. it never fails anytime, any place, this burn in me is the coolest thing i have ever felt....i melt......everytime you look at me that'a way...i melt......i melt...."

         --------a boy song b/c i melt everytime he looks at me a certain way....god i can't wait to be home and see that again...for three whole months!!!

"....i always too late, i see the train leaving, i'm always laughing when its not cool to smile, ...........so how did you get here? something is wrong.. where did i go right? how did i get you? howcome all this blue sky is around me and you found me where did i go right? how did i get you? i don't know how i did....but somehow now i do. i'm always driving forget where i'm going...should've turned left, but i'm singin some song went right, i'm arriving as everyones leaving and there you are waiting....something is wrong....where did i go right?how did i get you? how come all this blue sky is around me and you found me where did i go right? how did i get you? i don't know how i did....but somehow now i do. it makes nto sense to me...no it isnt clear, but somehow you're standin here....something gets to me, its that nothing is wrong. where did i go right? how did i get you? how come all this blue sky is around me and you found me where did i go right? how did i get you? i don't know how i did....where did i go right. how did i get you? how come all this blue sky is around me? where did i go right? i don't know how i did.....but somehow now i do. somehow now i do...yeah....somehow now i do..."

          --any guesses? yeah, you'd be right. another that reminds me of tim. because until that summer almost two years ago, i felt like nothing ever went right in my life....and then he came into it and i haven't had to feel that way since....

"..i can't imagine any greater fear, than wakin up, without you here...and tho the sun would still shine on, my whole world would all be gone, but not for long.....cuz if i had to run, if i had to crawl, if i had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls, always know that i would find a way to get to where you are, theres no place that far....it wouldn't matter why we're apart, the lonly miles of to stubborn hearts, nothing short of god above could turn me away, from your love..i need you that much......if i had to run, if i had to crawl, if i had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls, always know that i would find a way to get to where you are, theres no place that far........if i had to run,(if i had to run)  if i had to crawl (if i had to crawl)  if i had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls, always know that i would find a way to get to where you are, theres no place that far.......baby there's no place that far...."

         --my fav song when i was in middle school  (or maybe early high) because i always dreamed of having a love like that....and now i like it because i DO have that....and it makes me sooo happy.

"...monday mornin is such a rush, here it is again sneakin up on us, this is the part you know i dont like..we say goodbye and then we kiss goodnight i know its 1am and we said you'd be gone by ten, so much for those eight hours i swore that i'd get in.... i know i should get some sleep, i'm at the beginin of another long week, but i don't want you to go, i guess another minute wouldn't do no harm, why not spend it in each other's arms, cuz i dont want you to go, no i dont want you to go.....we always say just one more kiss, but always seems to never end like this, a few dozen and a couple more, befor we know it its after 4, i know tomrorow my best friend will be my best friend, cuz here we go again watchin the sun come up.... i know i should get some sleep, i'm at the beginin of another long week, but i don't want you to go, i guess another minute wouldn't do no harm, why not spend it in each other's arms, cuz i dont want you to go, no i dont want you to go.....no i don't want you to go....i know tomorrow my best friend wil be my coffee cup, cuz here we go again, watchin the sun come up... i know i should get some sleep, i'm at the beginin of another long week, but i don't want you to go, i guess another minute wouldn't do no harm, why not spend it in each other's arms, cuz i dont want you to go, no i dont want you to go.....no i don't want you to go...i dont' want you to go...i don't want you to go....."

           --like it cuz its true--i NEVER want tim to leave or me to leave when its time to go....and if parents didn't yell we'd prly end up seeing the sun rise many mornings....but you never know, summer is coming!

"...this could be it....i think i'm in love....its love this time..it just seems to fit, i think i'm in love, this love this might, i can see you with me when i'm older, all my lonely nights are finally over, you took the weight of the world off my shoulders, ohh when you kiss me, i know you miss me, and when you with me, the world just goes away, the way you hold me, the way you show me that you adore, when you kiss me...oohhhh..yeah...you are the one, i think i'm in love, life has begun, i can see the two of us together...i know i'm gona be with you forever, love couldn't be any better....the world just oges away...oh when you kiss me, i know you miss me, and when your with me the world just goes away..the way you hold me, the way you show me that you adore me, oh when you kiss me,....mmm...yeah.....i can see you with me when i'm older, all my lonely nights are finally over, you took the weight of the world off my shoulders, when you kiss me i know yo umiss me, and when youre with me the world just goes away, te way you hold me, the way you show me that you adore, the world just goes away, and when you kiss me, i know you miss me, oooh the world just goes away.....when you kiss me"

                ----describes the true meaning of a kiss.......and its wonderful

"....what if i told you it was all ment to be, would you believe me, would you blieve.....its almost that feeling that we may be fooled, so tell me that you dont think im crazy, wheni tell you love has come here and now....a moment like this...some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this, some people search forever for that one special kiss, oh i cant believe its happening to me, some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this...everything changes but beauty remains, something so tender i can't explaing...i may be dreamin but still ly awake, can we make this dream last forever...and i'll cherish all the love we share...a moment like this....some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this, some people search forever for that one special kiss, oh i cant believe its happening to me, some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this...could this be the greatest love of all? i want to know that oyou will catch me wheni fall..so let me tell you this...some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this...some people wait a lifetime for a mometn like this...some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this, some people search forever for that one special kiss, oh i cant believe its happening to me, some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this...ooohhh, like this.......oohhhh, i can't believe its happening to me, some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this....."

           ---mmmmmmm....i'll just melt. and now fully content and very loved go to sleep happy and content and not worrying about my bio lab exam tomrorow because nothing else matters but the people who love me. cuz i love them too.

4:02PM - i want OUT!

i want OUT of school!!! NOW!

i'm sick of school. people. tests. more tests. i'm sick of always having to worry about the next test...argh. this SUCKS. and so now i'm off to go worry about my bio lab practical that's thursday night. argh. all well.....9ish days left!

12:09AM

so my last few entries were private..sorry people..they just had to be...so here i say hi, but i'm getting sleepy. after my evening of watching tv/movies with julie and cassy and christie. t'was good. now i think i'll go to sleep....for now

11:40PM

ive been damn productive today. ididn't take a nap like i wanted to, i managed to do almost 4 complete sections of calculus, and i've started revising my bio lab report. oh, and i did most of my spanish hw for the rest of the week. basically this means that tonight i can get some sleep, and then tomorrow after lab i can finish my lab report, then go to lunch and recitation, then spend a little more time on calc and spanish, then be done. and spend the rest of the night working on studying for the bio test friday. and wed night is the WSI test, so that should be interesting. if i don't pass..that'dbe bad. but then thurs night i'm spending learning and studying bio--like all day! because friday is the last bio test and i NEED a really REALLY REALLY REALLY good grade on it. as in, i need an A so i can get a higher grade in the class, so i can keep my GPA up. noone understands that i need to keep the gpa up b/c otherwise its gona be so damn hard to get into vet school, never mind that i need a 3.3 to keep my shcolarship. i need at least a 3.7-3.8 EVERY semester to get into vet school. especially in my sceinces. and that's just not happenin right now....argh. all well. time for a little bedtime cuz im getting worn out. this week i'm spendin focused on bio, the weeknd focused on chem cuz theres a test monday, then next week focused on calc cuz thers a calc test next fri. then next weekend will be spent packin up and franticaly studyin for finals...so yeah. its gona be a hectic few weeks. im so jealous that so many ppl are outa school already. lucky bastards. all well. sleep calls...

10:07PM - i am pretty darn relaxed!

i hit 89 here today!!!  woohoo! it was AWESOME! really, cuz it was hot, but not humid, and sunny and everything is turning green and flowery, so it was soo nice. yay.  it was awesome. and today was a good day. i got an 86 on my calc test which was awesome, but i made stupid mistakes or i'd have gotten an A. all well. we get an overall basic curve at the end.  so hopefully i'll get an A- at least. woo. and i went swimming. and tim called. that made me happy. because i miss him. and i miss talking to him cuz he's in FL. but i just miss him.....and he called just after i came back from swimming and was all relaxed. and even though it was only about two minutes...it was wonderful. because i could just focus for those two minutes on his voice and his voice alone and everything else just melted away. and now i'm really really relaxed. and i don't really have school work to do, so i'm just watching  nick @ night and chatting with christie and such. so yay. wonderful

on other topics---i love how i can randomly editorialize commecials for pet products....wow........haha. right. anyway, nightynight...sooner or later i'll be sleeping.

11:34PM - sunburn....

i am sunburned. but i won't admit it. cuz people here said i should put on sunscreen and i don't want to . but now i got sun and that means i'll be tan. soon. YAY. woo. i'm not too sore on it yet. but that's okay. interesting convos with michele tonight. woo-that's ok though. great wonderful conversations i couldn't have with anyone else. i don't know, i can have all kinds of conversations with her that i can't have with anyone else. because i don't know, we just can talk about anything and know we're not judging each other, which is the best. its wonderful. who else could i randomly ask things too? we're not talking any random thing, but anything that discusses anything....wow, this entry makes no sense. but that's okay. i know what i mean even if noone else does. and i'm sure if michele reads this she'll know what i mean too. thats just the way it is. we can have conversations and they've "never happened" WONDERFUL!

i want to talk to tim. argh. but he's in florida. and since last time he called when in florida he had to pay lots of roaming.  so this time, no talking to him. 'cept that he called this morning and woke me up at 830 this morning! argh. i was annoyed and grouchy but happy and smilying too. cuz i wanted to talk to him, i was slightly awake already anyway, and it was nice to wake up to his voice. and then i curled up and went to sleep a little again, and dreamed of him. it was nice. and being outside all weekend was wonderful.  so yay.  but i still want to chat with him. actualy, last night i really REALLY wanted to. anyhow, time to head to bed....class in 8hrs40mins. woo. alright. nightynight all.

11:59PM

so many feelings at once. all well. good day today. relaxng. got some sun. and it was nice out. yes. but i should get some sleep. cuz i'm still exhausted. woo. right. evil not-sleeping. i want to talk to tim but he's in florida and apparently last time ended up paying lots of roaming to talk to me. so i refuse to call him because i don't want him spending money to talk to me, and i doubt he wants to either. so yeah. sadness. all well. he'll be home tuesday night...granted, i won't get to talk to him until after that...but still. and then kristy will be here, then parents, and things. so i might not get to actualy talk to him until next saturday. which makes me sad. all well. i'm just lonelyish tonight. all well. time to get some sleep. i hope. nightynight all.

10:48PM

i'm in a fairly good mood. decent anyway. went swimming with christie for almost an hour, which was nice b/c i havnet in so long, and i worked my abs a lot. was nice. and hung out before dinner w/cassy and andrea and olivia and such. and then dinner was ehish. but then whatever. and its warm and nice and the tests i had are over, so its not bad. but yeah, so whatever.

so yeah, but i'm sick of being lonely for the most part.....i mean, i'm not, but i am. i just always feel left out of things. all well. its getting better. and next year will be awesome when i'm in the same dorm as everyone else. YAY. woo. Krause 208-me and cassy!!! :) :) anyhow, christie has the praxis test in the mornin and i have work. and she's just gone to bed. so maybe i'll take the opporunity to make up on the sleep i lost the last few nights studying. since i've been so exhausted. yes, sounds like a plan. cuz mentally i'm dead and physically i'm sore. so bed sounds wonderful. '

on that note--no comments on the fact that its barely 11pm on a friday night and i'm a college student going to bed. THIS college student has worked her ASS off this week and deserves to SLEEP FINALLY! thank you very much. so screw you world! time to SLEEP FOR KERRY!

4:52PM

its sunny!!! YAY! all my tests are over, and that makes me happy. thank god. and i have alexandria's cell # now so we can chat on weekends and such. woo! i haven't written since tuesday, basically for lack of time. WSI class, the calc andbio tests i had today, and a milion other hours of homework have kept me busy BUSY BUSY!  and so now...FREEDOM in the name of the WEEKEND!!! THANK GOODNESS! i can't take too many more weeks like this...but thankfully soon it'll be SUMMER! and guess what?

 I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

that's what's keeping me going, and making me happy, especially the GORGEOUS weather!!! :)

9:52PM

argh. blah. argh. ggrrrrrrr. right. so school is stressful. and noone seems to be having a good day. all well. but right now i'm at peace. because suddenly the room is empty and its quiet and its dark 'cept the light on my desk. christie went to matt's for the night, and its quiet here and i'm content on that for some reason. i don't know. whatever. i'm going to go put pjs on, call tim, watch tv, and say:

 

screw homework!!!!!

i want summer-right NOW!!!!!!!!

11:33AM - life sucks......

i got a fucking 52 on my chem test. this sucks. this blows my chances at an A in the class. which entirely screws over my GPA. fuck. what the hell? this sucks. goddamnit. this is what happens when i have too much to do in one week. goddamn. i said the week and a half between spring break and easter break was hell. i wasn't kidding. and i wasnt kidding when i said i failed my chem test. but i thought i'd gotten in the 60s. but multiple choice killed me. and i definately didn't know what i was doing on the last open ended. what the fuck. i hate school. i hate this. and now i've got a million other things to do. WTF?!?!??!?!?!??! argh.

7:21PM - back to Albright and work.....

i have so much homework type things to do and i haven't done anything yet. all well. long bus rides tire me out. all well. so lets see, events of my weekend:

• wed night--home late & SHOWER!
• thurs-- shower, wrap change, media play, school, tim's house, dinner, church, stuff, sleep
• fri--I TURNED NINETEEN! (and my best friend refuses to admit she forgot.....) went to dairy cream with christine, tim, nadine, and julie (michele was shopping or she could've ganged up on tim with me), then went to dermatologist, then christine came over for dinner (NEMO CAKE!).
• sat--sleep, buried spot, shower, practice flute and stuff, talkd with jess, dealt with parents fight, shoping with mom, saw heather at target (YAY!), bothered tim at work (aka also at target), stuff at home, dinner at tgi fridays, bio stuffs, cake with tim at my house, then more bio, and sleep.
• sun-shower, church-played awesomely-, easter stuffs, bio stuffs. turkey dinner, and sleeps. YAY.
• mon-shower and back here.

such was my boring break...and now i shall do some work......MAYBE.

btw--in case you people don't know: talking to michele is the best thing ever if you want to laugh and smile. because michele is awesome!

2:10PM - Easter Break starts in 2 hours!!!!

i'm going home soon! YAY! julie and i are leavin after i finish gateway. 350ish. YAY. woo. i's excited to be goin home again. especially since my birthday is friday. yay. can't wait to be home. woo. awesome. and i'll be home and stuffs. if only kristy and heather were going to be home friday. we could all go out. and if tim wasn't working. but hey, thats ok. because i've got all day. and im getting to come home an entire day early. YAY. woo. awesome. anyway.....time to make sure i have everything, and then off to gateway, then HOME!!!! yay CONNECTICUT!!!!

and its sunny here----and nice. BETTER be nice at home!!!!